Less is more

2003-04-04T17:28:00.000-08:00

When a golfplayer yells "FORE"...
is that considered foreplay...?

2003-02-07T16:41:00.000-08:00

If you inverse Saddam's name you get Maddas,
but on the other hand...
if you inverse George W. Bush's name...
you'll think you're dyslexic.

2002-11-21T16:20:00.000-08:00

"Honey, are the kids napping?"
"Yes dear, they've just been kidnapped..."

2002-11-12T16:49:00.000-08:00

Grapefruit...
what moron ever came up with the idea that this could be the fruit of grapes???

2002-11-06T00:05:00.000-08:00

What will you say when it's really raining very hard...
it's raining cows and dino's?

2002-10-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

If anybody can join, perhaps it's not worth joining...

2002-10-13T15:56:00.000-07:00

Man to his wife: "Woman, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I only hope it won't happen again!"

2002-10-10T15:49:00.000-07:00

A better word for an expensive hobby is a snobby.

2002-09-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

The expression "it's a dog eat dog world" should be changed into
"It's a dog eat hot dog world".

2002-09-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a fool is all it takes,
to make a genius realise he's not a genius.

2002-09-03T01:23:00.000-07:00

The first thing you notice when you’re born is…
…a hand slapping you.
Maybe that’s the reason for some people’s tendency towards SM?

2002-08-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

The first thing ever shoved into my mouth was a nipple.
It was one of my better days...

2002-08-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

Do you like this T-shirt? please comment

© Spat

2002-08-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

On the highway a little bee was having troubles with his car. Whilst attempting to fix it, a question came to his mind...
"Tow-bee or not tow-bee"

2002-08-13T18:32:00.000-07:00

Was there ever a better time?
- in the stone-age... man invented stone
- in the dark ages... man invented light

2002-08-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

Once you’re 18, you’re not a minor anymore.
Meaning you’ve gone from a minority to a majority.
Scary isn’t it?

2002-08-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

I really should stop making fun of lepers.
Last one...

Never say "gimme 5" to a leper...
1. you don't know what you're going to get (and perhaps to keep)
2. you don't know if he still has 5...

2002-08-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

Life is like lepracy... you never know what you gonna lose next.
(inspired by -Forest Gump-)

2002-08-07T17:11:00.001-07:00

All time favourite Beatles-lyrics for lepers:
“I wanna hold your hand…”

2002-08-07T17:11:00.000-07:00

All time favourite Roxy Music-lyrics for lepers:
“Let's stick together…”

2002-08-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

How many men, do you think, would be able to tell their wife: "I'd like to screw you bitch!"
Most of us have to refrain to euphemisms like: "I'd like to make love to you darling...".
"...making love...", as if to say we are going to do something constructive.

2002-08-03T16:22:00.000-07:00

Superman: the most famous window cleaner in pyjamas.

2002-08-03T16:18:00.000-07:00

Ashes to ashes
Iron to rust

2002-08-02T16:25:00.000-07:00

The stand-in stuntman for Tom Cruise was generally referred to as Tom Bruise.

2002-07-30T18:07:00.000-07:00

The bro' was so cool, he had to wear a skivest and a bonnet.

2002-07-26T18:12:00.000-07:00

Funny to see what Yahoo-searchstrings refer people to my site:
+ How can you shave pubic hair? +
+ Pubic hair Japan shave +
+ Rectal exam message board +
+ Shave your bum +
+ Girls shave pubic +

--- Damn, I suppose it will only get worse now ---

2002-07-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

Back from 3 weeks in Egypt, land of sand, stone and sea (not necessarily in that order).
Another generalisation might be that everything is hot there... the food, the men and even the cold water.
(I'm not sure about the women though)

2002-07-03T16:14:00.000-07:00

If women always say the opposite of what they think, why are all those blond women talking?
(if you're blond and you're able to read this, ask a neighbour with lots of spare time to explain this...)

2002-07-02T15:17:00.000-07:00

Emotion, funny word... If you receive a loving e-mail, I'd spell it e-motion.

2002-07-02T15:15:00.000-07:00

Affection is what you feel when you're moved by something or someone... although...
if you have to move out I'd say there wasn't much affection.

2002-07-01T15:19:00.000-07:00

Funny thing... in my last post I used the word pussy, and now a lot of people come to my site who put that word in a search-string on Yahoo f.e.
Maybe I should use some more 'dirty' words...

2002-06-27T15:18:00.000-07:00

Nowadays a lot of phallic traffic ornaments are being erected, they put them alongside roads everywhere.
Why not invent some traffic ornament that looks like a pussy.
It would look less severe, and you wouldn't mind walking into it.

2002-06-24T15:30:00.000-07:00

Blind people’s problems
they have to be very careful using phrases as...
...the way I see it
...you see
...I saw that coming a mile away
...
(it’s easy to make fun of them, chances of them seeing this are slim)

2002-06-24T15:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's the barbeque-time-of-the-year again...
I don't know if you've ever read Terry Pratchett (Disc-World series),
but I always try to find the 'cook' that looks most like put-it-on-a-stick Dibler.

2002-06-20T05:42:00.000-07:00

Back in 1989 I was on holiday in Yugoslavia. (before they had their war)
I read in a book about a typical Yugoslavian speciality (food).
I had a stroll around town and felt peckish but I had forgotten the name of the snack.
So I walked up to a girl sitting in a restaurant eating something peculiar. It very soon became clear that English wasn't her second language.
I asked: "What is this called".
And got the reply: "No, no, it's very hot". (It turned out to be a funny looking pizza she was having)
So I stepped into a fast-food restaurant and asked the guy behind the counter.
After some good 30 seconds he replied with a heavy Yugoslavian accent: "Aha... hambourgèr!".

2002-06-20T05:20:00.000-07:00

vrij naar Marco B.

De meeste dromen zijn bedrog
maar als ik wakker word naast jou lig jij er nog
ik ruik je adem en zie je gezicht
je bent een wrak dat naast me ligt...

not translatable

2002-06-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

A recent study at the university of X has proven cats to be more intelligent than dogs.
Dogs use the monosyllabic ‘woof’ to express themselves, whilst cats use two-syllable-sounds.

2002-06-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

Know a funny caption? Ad it through comments.

2002-06-17T23:46:00.000-07:00

Onze Koning is het levend bewijs dat er wel eens iets mis kan gaan tijdens operaties...
Bij het plaatsen van zijn pacemaker gaf de operatie-assistente per vergissing haar 'intieme trillende vriendje' aan.
De chirurg - onderbetaald en overstresst - merkte het niet en naaide het zaakje routineus toe.
Paola complimenteerde de chirurg achteraf met het resultaat, maar vroeg hem wel of het niet
mogelijk was een regelknop te plaatsen...

not translatable

2002-06-17T23:33:00.000-07:00

I was lacking some inspiration, perhaps I was leaking it...

2002-06-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

Know a funny caption? Ad it through comments.

2002-06-13T05:39:00.000-07:00

It's my godgiven right to fart you bitch!
[...possible lyrics for a new (c)rapgroup]

2002-06-11T00:02:00.000-07:00

He could play his wife like a guitar, although he still didn’t have the hang of the fine-tuning.

2002-06-10T23:58:00.000-07:00

Does breaking into tears make a shattering noise?

2002-06-10T23:50:00.000-07:00

Do tobacco companies allow their workers to smoke on the job?

2002-06-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

Even in the beginning woman preferred the apple to the snake... ("Metafore, metafore,..." - Il Postino)

2002-06-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

Know a funny caption? Ad it through comments.

2002-06-06T17:24:00.000-07:00

Jim studied very hard for his rectal exam.

2002-06-04T17:16:00.000-07:00

Every year my navel gets deeper.

2002-06-04T04:27:00.000-07:00

The giraffe was the first one to stick his neck out.

2002-06-03T01:03:00.000-07:00

Vandaag gehoord van een reporter tijdens het WK Voetbal 2002:

Zij hebben nog een goede twintig minuten om iets aan de achterstand te doen...
Gelukkig voor hen, het moesten eens een slechte twintig minuten geweest zijn.

not translatable

2002-06-02T23:33:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine the amount of people going in that direction, if everyone that was told to 'go to hell' actually went?
So don't always do as your told if you want to avoid traffic-jams.

2002-06-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

It was the first time the disc-jockey came to play records in the nursinghome for the dementing elderly.
The first thing he yelled through the microphone was: "DO YOU REMEMBER THIS ONE...!?"

2002-06-01T03:31:00.000-07:00

Man: "You're one of the reasons people started telling dumb blond jokes.
Woman: "But my natural colour isn't blond!"
Man: "That's exactly what I mean..."

2002-05-31T15:56:00.000-07:00

To attract a bigger crowd in 'The Dull Blue Pigeon'-pub, the landlady opted on topless serving.
For lack of cash, she decided to do it herself, although she had already surpassed the age of 50.
The only costumers that evening, two regulars, didn't complain, although they wished she had come up with the idea some 25 years ago.

2002-05-30T23:40:00.000-07:00

In South-Korea & Japan they're going for the balls again... (WCS 2002).

2002-05-30T00:40:00.000-07:00

I can imagine the wheel was invented by a man after rolling down a hill.
But where did he get the idea for a hovercraft?

2002-05-29T15:54:00.000-07:00

Integratie vind je tegenwoordig in alle lagen van de bevolking:

Dit jaar komen Zwarteklaas en Sinterpiet!

not translatable

2002-05-29T15:27:00.000-07:00

As this is the paper-age we have our desks flooded with paper.
Luckily we have paperclips.
I wonder if the stone-age had it's stoneclips.

2002-05-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

A couple that has 13 children nowadays must have made them in a sudden mood of familiarity.

2002-05-28T03:19:00.000-07:00

Most bodypainters start as finger-painters.

2002-05-27T11:42:00.000-07:00

The following line will always work...
The situation: a middle-aged woman steps into a shoeshop and asks for a model which is only available one size bigger than her own.
Reply: "Oh, don't worry miss, until the age of 21, your feet tend to grow".

2002-05-25T16:51:00.000-07:00

Interesting thought: Why does succes start with [suck]?

2002-05-25T16:30:00.000-07:00

The tinier the girl's underwear is, the more we men notice it... There must be something wrong with our eyes?!

2002-05-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

If you don't shave, pubic hair is only one letter away from becoming public hair.

2002-05-24T01:22:00.000-07:00

Laughing people live longer. Unless they read the killing joke of course.

2002-05-24T01:18:00.000-07:00

If you see an ad for a house with the following line: "lots of light...", don't fall for it, it just means that the roof is full of holes.

2002-05-22T19:08:00.000-07:00

Jan was echt geboren voor het ongeluk.
Laatst reed hij aan 150km/u door een rood licht met zijn 4 knipperlichten aan,
terwijl hij manueel mobiel aan het telefoneren was...
en ja hoor...hij werd weer eens geflitst.

This one's too difficult to translate (sorry about that). BTW it's in Dutch.

2002-05-22T00:18:00.000-07:00

Shoot, my chute won't open!

2002-05-19T17:09:00.000-07:00

Trying to play the guitar is like most things in life... you get a simple basic material (wood & 6 strings) and are given the possibility to create something beautifull with it... but will you, that is the question.

2002-05-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

Son: "Not just now mum, I'm on the internet..."
Mother: *So that's the name of his new grilfriend*

2002-05-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

Scanning your bum seems to be the newest hype. In order to accommodate their customers the biggest scannerproducers will put a 'maximum-load'-label on their machines.

2002-05-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

"See you later," said the blind man. "Don't forget to call me," replied the deaf woman.

2002-05-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

I started with nothing and I've got most of that left.

2002-05-15T01:29:00.000-07:00

Young trees often are supported by a wooden pole. How would you like growing up next to a corpse?

2002-05-15T01:11:00.000-07:00

How do most people read their favorite e-zine? They install their computer in the little boys/girls room.

2002-05-15T01:09:00.000-07:00

The Weight Watchers are starting an SM-subdivision - it will hold its meetings in a restaurant.
The AA are considering something similar.

2002-05-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

Today I thought up something real funny... but I forgot it. Isn't that a scream?

2002-05-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

"I hope going to the gym works out for you."

2002-05-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

A new era is starting... today I got a blogspot.