Nowadays a lot of phallic traffic ornaments are being erected, they put them alongside roads everywhere.
Why not invent some traffic ornament that looks like a pussy.
It would look less severe, and you wouldn't mind walking into it.

Blind people’s problems
they have to be very careful using phrases as...
...the way I see it
...you see
...I saw that coming a mile away
...
(it’s easy to make fun of them, chances of them seeing this are slim)

Yes, it's the barbeque-time-of-the-year again...
I don't know if you've ever read Terry Pratchett (Disc-World series),
but I always try to find the 'cook' that looks most like put-it-on-a-stick Dibler.

Back in 1989 I was on holiday in Yugoslavia. (before they had their war)
I read in a book about a typical Yugoslavian speciality (food).
I had a stroll around town and felt peckish but I had forgotten the name of the snack.
So I walked up to a girl sitting in a restaurant eating something peculiar. It very soon became clear that English wasn't her second language.
I asked: "What is this called".
And got the reply: "No, no, it's very hot". (It turned out to be a funny looking pizza she was having)
So I stepped into a fast-food restaurant and asked the guy behind the counter.
After some good 30 seconds he replied with a heavy Yugoslavian accent: "Aha... hambourgèr!".

vrij naar Marco B.

De meeste dromen zijn bedrog
maar als ik wakker word naast jou lig jij er nog
ik ruik je adem en zie je gezicht
je bent een wrak dat naast me ligt...

not translatable

A recent study at the university of X has proven cats to be more intelligent than dogs.
Dogs use the monosyllabic ‘woof’ to express themselves, whilst cats use two-syllable-sounds.

Know a funny caption? Ad it through comments.

Onze Koning is het levend bewijs dat er wel eens iets mis kan gaan tijdens operaties...
Bij het plaatsen van zijn pacemaker gaf de operatie-assistente per vergissing haar 'intieme trillende vriendje' aan.
De chirurg - onderbetaald en overstresst - merkte het niet en naaide het zaakje routineus toe.
Paola complimenteerde de chirurg achteraf met het resultaat, maar vroeg hem wel of het niet
mogelijk was een regelknop te plaatsen...

not translatable

I was lacking some inspiration, perhaps I was leaking it...

Know a funny caption? Ad it through comments.

It's my godgiven right to fart you bitch!
[...possible lyrics for a new (c)rapgroup]

He could play his wife like a guitar, although he still didn’t have the hang of the fine-tuning.

Does breaking into tears make a shattering noise?

Do tobacco companies allow their workers to smoke on the job?

Even in the beginning woman preferred the apple to the snake... ("Metafore, metafore,..." - Il Postino)

Know a funny caption? Ad it through comments.

Jim studied very hard for his rectal exam.

Every year my navel gets deeper.

The giraffe was the first one to stick his neck out.

Vandaag gehoord van een reporter tijdens het WK Voetbal 2002:

Zij hebben nog een goede twintig minuten om iets aan de achterstand te doen...
Gelukkig voor hen, het moesten eens een slechte twintig minuten geweest zijn.

not translatable

Can you imagine the amount of people going in that direction, if everyone that was told to 'go to hell' actually went?
So don't always do as your told if you want to avoid traffic-jams.

It was the first time the disc-jockey came to play records in the nursinghome for the dementing elderly.
The first thing he yelled through the microphone was: "DO YOU REMEMBER THIS ONE...!?"

Man: "You're one of the reasons people started telling dumb blond jokes.
Woman: "But my natural colour isn't blond!"
Man: "That's exactly what I mean..."